Looking up, a vignetted glow shows itself near as I reach toward it, but that breath hold isn't lasting. Becoming aware of my breathe's desperation, a haunting feeling starts to infiltrate my nerves. I'm so close but why haven't I broken it and breached the other side? Weights holding me down, my old life tethering me just below the surface. I float idly, waiting for natural forces to rescue me, nothing. Buoyancy is different in fresh water, love is different in salt air, shoulda known better.
This last year has been a testament to that same strength, to see it play out while diving brought things into stark alignment. The silence of Lake Crescent, my thoughts focusing on this moment. That unforgettable feeling of being trapped just below the surface. This is how some people die I think to myself. I wait in the void, pushing myself to recycle the air I'm holding in my lungs. Wait for the edge of panic. I want to see what would flash before my eyes, I want to see which ancestors are pressing against the veil closest to me. This feeling, similar to a relationship that keeps you just below the surface, evaporates with two kicks. Thank god for self preservation instincts literally kicking in.
This is how I've felt, fighting for air this last 18 months. It takes 15 minutes to marry the love of your life, yet a year or more of torrential emotions, paperwork, stress, and the courts to dissolve it. But when you finally break the surface, and you catch that first wildly big breath, life is once again renewed. All is ok. Labored breaths calm, clarity seeps in, rest and peace is allowed to float in. The hardest part is over and you're free to relax at earth's surface. Free to let your next curiosity propel you forward.
Lake Crescent is an easy drive from my dear friend, Maryna's home in Port Angeles, Washington. We spent several days exploring this glacial lake. With its vivid visibility, staggering cliffs, tree debris, and unknown depths, this lake is one that reminded me of my favorite curiosities. Combining steady breath holds and a calm mindset is the recipe I like to keep alive. Free diving is a skill anyone can learn, reminding us that you are your only limit.
Cheers,
